This time of year always has me deep in restful reflection. With the recent fires in Colorado so present on my heart and buzzing in my mind and I felt inspired to write an updated reflection of my house fire experience.
On February 5th, 2016 I arrived home to my studio apartment in the hills between Boulder and Lyons Colorado to find the building on fire. It was very cold and windy that night and while the fearless firefighters did show up, all that was left of the building the next day were ashes and dust. At the time, I was living in an apartment that was a small second building off to the side on the large lot of $1Million+ dollar dream home.
Half of the space was a completed studio apartment and the other half of the space was a recording studio that was still under construction. My monthly $550 rent check was helping the owner of the space complete the renovations. I could smell smoke from the moment that I opened my car door, after that long day of yoga practice & front desk work at my part-time job at bodywork bistro (I had picked up a sick co-worker’s shift that day). Nobody else was home in the main house and I had no idea what to do other than call 911 and wait and watch the building burn while I stood alone helplessly freezing in the dark. The coldest and most alone I have ever felt in my life.
At the time, I worked 3-days a week as the Office Manager for the ARISE Music Festival. I had big dreams of the music that might have been recorded amongst the many musician friends of mine in the space. To this day I still imagine “what might have been” if the space hadn’t burned and the studio was finished and set up for recording.
6 years later, I stand quietly in my best friend’s home in south Boulder, contemplating my life’s evolution & expansion over the last 6 years. Yes, it is true this house fire absolutely catalyzed a major metamorphosis and changed the entire course of my life. I feel blessed to be in a mental space where I can admit this experience ultimately transformed my life in a positive way.
The experience of having to re-design your life from the ashes up is indeed a heart-wrenching and immensely challenging experience. Transmuting the poisons of fear, loss, grief, anxiety, and anger and doing the shadow work of my soul’s deep dark wounds has come with many colorful expansion experiences over the last 6 years.
What have I learned? I have learned that “trusting the flow” and divine timing of life isn’t necessarily a comfortable journey. The comfort zone is not our friend. Personal alchemy tends to come with some painful elemental initiations. The fire that claimed by belongings was a catalyst for growth and sent me deeper down the road of my spiritual awakening. It invited me into the realms of soul healing shadow work.
How have I worked to integrate this experience? I have been blessed to explore many different “healing modalities” over the last 6 years. Including but not limited to – various types of Massage and bodywork, Vibrational Sound + Light Healing, Energy Healing, Leadership Coaching, Yoga, Qigong, Psychotherapeutic Counseling, Herbalism, Shamanism, PEMF Therapy, and Angel Healing.
What truths have I uncovered through exploring so many “healing modalities”? I now believe that soul healing is a journey that starts before birth and will continue after death. Nothing I have explored has been able to “wipe the memory” of watching all of the things I thought made me who I was go up in flames. But, as we say in the music biz – THE SHOW MUST GO ON! As the dance of life continues and more time goes by, I continue to show up for myself in gentle loving compassion. As my capacity for understanding what really happened that night for me on a spiritual level grows greater the pain of the memory fades a touch more.
I now believe this experience was one of the most important for me as I continue on the path of the rainbow earth warrior. The signs and synchronicities that point to a “higher-powers intervention” are written all over it. Auspiciously, I was born in the year of the Water Money and the fire broke out on the Chinese new year eve of the fire monkey. At the time of the fire, I was helping to digitally market and promote a musical theater show called “Kali Creates Fate”, Kali is known as the Goddess of Time, Change, Creation, Destruction and Power. Noticing the spiritual parallels in connection to a deeper meaning lurking beneath the surface of this tragic experience has brought me a lot of peace over the years.
In the sharing of this story, my hope is that those who may be suffering in the aftermath of a recent house fire know that they are not alone in the roller coaster of emotions that come following this experience. I wish you peace, love, and deep cosmic understanding on your recovery and healing journey. I want you to know that you are never alone and things will get better with time. Welcome to the Phoenix Club dear ones.
With all my love,
Founder of Manifestation Media